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Why Letting Go After a Break Up Is So Hard

boundaries clarity communication ego relationship Nov 24, 2022
Why Letting Go After a Break Up Is So Hard

Why Letting Go After a Break Up Is So Hard

Unfortunately there’s no way around it — breakups are challenging. While everyone processes the end of their relationships differently, most people are able to resonate with feeling emotionally drained, stressed and heartbroken. Once you develop a deep emotional connection with another person, it can be difficult to let go of them and the role they played in your life. Some may have the opinion that holding on makes you strong, however sometimes it is when you let go; that you discover your inner strength. If you are experiencing depressive thoughts after a break up or are currently in an unhealthy relationship, please seek help immediately.

Take a look below at 10 reasons why letting go after a break up is difficult:

Soul & Ego based beliefs

Often you may find yourself feeling a sense of attachment to the partner that you experienced the deepest sense of love with thus far. Deep within, you believe that you two are destined to be together and you find yourself accepting this love — even if it has been faced with multiple hardships. Sometimes when the partnership does not feel healthy anymore or desired on either end, the relationship is still maintained due to egotistical expectations. Your ego has the ability to hold grip to your life and the choices you make, or do not make.


Many people are terrified of failing in any aspect of their life, and relationships are a measurable ingredient of the recipe. After ending a relationship, you may fear judgment from your loved ones, believing that they will view you as a failure for being in an unsuccessful relationship. You may also experience an ache for the person who consumed a large portion of your life, also known as loneliness. The fear of being alone may have you feeling a sense of emptiness which can lead to thoughts of whether you will find love or be loved again. Whether your relationship was long term or brief, you may find yourself afraid of the emotional stress you will have to navigate once you’ve separated yourself from your partner. It is important to remember that the fear and anxiety you may be feeling is valid and that you will heal from it.

Unhealed inner Trauma 

When your traumas are left unresolved, you are likely to bring the footprints of this into your relationships, even the break up. To be able to process a break up in a healthy manner, you must have a healthy sense of Self and being. Regardless of whether your trauma occurred in your childhood or adult life, it changes how you handle experiences and the hardships you face — as well as the ability of how well you cope. Unhealthy masculinity also can feed the feminine energy and vice versa. We sometimes encounter this in our relationships can cause codependency, which can lead to difficulty letting go after a breakup.

Loss of Identity

Sometimes when you end a relationship, the part of your identity that relates to your partner is suddenly absent. You may find yourself looking in the mirror questioning who you are without them in your life. When your life has become largely influenced by your partner, you may lose clarity of your self concept once the relationship ends. A sudden change like this can take a previously established self identity and lead you feeling empty and confused about who you are as an individual.

Invested time

When your relationship ends, you may feel like you have invested too much time to call it quits. After investing such a long portion of time and energy into a relationship, the fear of starting over with a whole new partner can be overwhelming. It’s important to remember that any time invested still holds value — regardless of the outcome.

Your mind plays tricks on you

Sometimes you experience nostalgia that leads to believing that the love still exists. When you recall on the positive parts of the relationship, your brain essentially starts to validate the decisions made in the past in regards to the partnership such as; getting together in the first place and wanting to create a future together. It is also common that you may be drawn to that person because of the comfortability and familiarity bond you two share. Even if you know that a situation is not good for you, it can feel easier to stick with what you know rather than to venture into unknown circumstances.

Ultimately, a break up is a loss and you have to give yourself time to grieve this loss; time is wisdom. What you can do to heal through the process:

  • Accept that break ups are challenging to experience. If this is your first time experiencing a break in a relationship, understand that it will take time to navigate as well as heal.
  • Do not focus on starting a new relationship, invest in yourself instead.
  • Remember that it takes time to make and integrate new choices into your life.
  • Find the magic in the concept of letting go, it will be a larger than life reminder that there is endless possibilities for you.
  • Use affirmations in your daily life that will create the your own positive narrative.
  • Ground yourself when you find your mind racing, you will regain control over overwhelming feelings and anxieties you may be struggling with.
  • Meditate regularly to gain a sense of calmness, peace, and balance in order to benefit your emotional well being and health.
  • Eating a well balanced diet will benefit not only your physical health, but mental health as well.
  • Drink enough water to avoid dehydration which can impair energy levels, mood and brain performance.
  • Journaling helps improve your mood and provides a safe space for you to identify any thoughts and feelings, both negative and positive.
  • Perform breathing exercises to help you relax and ground yourself when feeling overwhelmed.
  • Move your body frequently so that energy is able to flow through you easily.
  • Allow yourself to feel emotions; you are human and experiencing a range of feelings is normal.

Breakups are extremely challenging, but fortunately there a strategies that may ease the process of healing. It is important to remain optimistic while you navigate your new norm after a break up. Take comfort in that although you experienced a heartbreaking loss, the same experience also left you with valuable lessons you learned. Time will pass and with the help of these coping mechanisms — you will heal!


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